Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Friendship and Communication

You and I, my dear friends, have communicated well and consistently for quite some time now. That is a good, sterling accomplishment, and a source of joy for me, as it is a gift that we have shared freely with each other. That is sweet and pleasant, and it is validly and repeatedly to be celebrated!

It has occurred simply because we are human!

You were on exactly the right track when you decided to speak minimally and with caution. Now, however, you have gone to an unhealthy extreme in having decided to cut yourself off completely from people. It is known, of course, that this kind of hermiticism is a capricorn tendency, but it seems one of the less healthy ones.

If you can successfully communicate with me, you can also do it with others. This supports a balanced, healthy, happy, and spiritual life. While, of course, there is a time and place where even hermiticism has its valid place, to withdraw out of hurt will tend to seal you away from others. Every person has the potential either to enrich or to drain energy from our lives. But positive people-- often few and far between--can enormously enrich the joy of your life. It would be a tragic error to cut yourself off from them. That would be anti-therapeutic, or pathogenic.

A second factor here is that the cosmos will never judge you on the basis of how others interpret you. Instead, the Mind selfevaluates based only on motive or intent. If your intentions are pure and honest, then, it simply will not matter, in the larger perspective, how others interpret you.

I know that this realization does little to heal the wound and pains left by misunderstanding. Still, you might want to think about this aspect of the issue seriously, for your own peace of mind. Please note: Adamaria and I have decided not to have kids because, for one, I do not want to be a "daddy." So, I am here not trying to "parentize" you, or to tell you how to live.

As a friend, though, I simply long for you to have the happiest life possible. I can "see" that, in the longterm, you will hurt yourself by cutting yourself off from all others. Or, perhaps, you were contemplating cutting yourself off from just this one lady-- which could, for a short time, actually be a good decision.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone gets misunderstood. Do we really need the hassle? Yes, we do. It is the Mind's way of teaching us more cautious speech. Like all events, it is part of our learning agenda.

Do I speak from experience? You bet! I've been misunderstood, as a person, but especially as a spiritual teacher, more times than I care even to know. When younger, I was so idealistic (read "naive") that I actually thought, and hoped, that once a friend, always a friend. Since those days, life has somewhat sadly awakened me to the realistic fact that some people deliberately misunderstand and misinterpret. Friends leaving your life is as natural and normal as friends entering.

Here's the bottom line: If a person secretly wants out of the friendship, she will find an excuse. People do what they want to do. So, conversely, if she wants to maintain the friendship, she will also find a way to do that. A good friendship is platinum, and worth the timenergy. But this does not mean that we have to go panting and begging, in panic,when a person backs away. We are called to do only our fair share. As you know, there is a time when it is appropriate to rebuild a friendship, and a time when it is appropriate to let it dissolve.

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