Thanks to Barbara Baty.
Major, historic news broke a few weeks ago, and I hope you're sitting down for this. Vice President Dick Cheney and former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales were indicted. What the ... who?! Wait a minute! We can do that? And we're just thinking of it now? What did they get Cheney for-- another face shooting? Or did that first face-shooting guy die? It's got to be big, right? My head says second-degree manslaughter, but my heart says slavery.
The indictment says there's a "money trail of Cheney's prison-related businesses." So Cheney has prison-related businesses. Is there any unpleasant aspect of our society this guy isn't making money off of? Let's guess what prison-related business Cheney is in trouble for. Is it:
A) Exploitative conditions at Cheney's Chain-Gang Experience for Kids?
B) Health-code violations at the snack bar he runs in Texas' Lethal Injection Viewing Room?
C) Tax evasion at Halliburton Dick's Waterboard and Bad-Time Jailateria?
D) He has an investment in a company that has an investment in a company that runs some prisons where there have been allegations of inmate abuse.
Sadly, the answer is D. By the way, A, B and C are all real Cheney
businesses; they're just perfectly legal.