Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Relationship Between Men and Women


Men are from earth, and women are from earth! The symbolic statement that they (we) are from different "planets" is catchy, but it has done enormous damage! It has driven a wedge between the sexes, already involved in a troubling and difficult social situation.

The major problem is that people analyze each other far too much, and far too often. Careful analysis -- at least, some -- is necessary before moving in, and sharing your life, with another. But after a person has fallen in Love, he/she need not continually analyze the partner. As in all other phases of our lives, we need to embellish relationship with simplicity. There is a time when it is appropriate simply to enjoy a relationship, to play, to stop super-serious analysis, to just let it be.

No relationship can survive long that is being analyzed to death! We need more simplicity, and more relaxation, in our construction of simple relationships. Overcomplexification, like overanalysis, is deadly to any relationship. And no one can live under a microscope. In fact, no one should be asked to.

So, as we return to simplicity in life, let us return to simplicity in relationship. This means less talking (although there is an appropriate time for good communication), less analysis (although there is a time for that too), and less criticism. It means less "fixing" or "repairing" the other, and allowing her/him to be authentic, and authentically imperfect.

It means abandonment of obsessive discussion of the relationship. Overfeed a living thing, and you can kill it. A similar phenomenon occurs when a relationship is over-thought. We will never permit ourselves to be abused -- verbally, emotionally, or in any other way. But if a relationship is not abusive, or unacceptable in other ways, it can be nourished best by "letting it be." Silence itself can be very nourishing, both to the soul and to relationships. We do not have to be always fine-tuning, tinkering, altering, repairing. If it isn't broke, stop trying to fix it.

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