CDC Warning

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. It is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."

Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed daily for the previous four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to
incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography, history, and English, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and Categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists say this disase spread with unusual rapidity after originating only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

(Thanks to Teresa Ramsey)