Monday, June 25, 2007

Major Love and Minor "Spats"


A "perfect" or "flawless" friendship might never exist with any human being. For all are very complex and mutable. Once you think that a person is predictable, she can change. She can alter her preferences, behaviors, and priorities.

This is not bad. It reflects the massive variety possible within human freedom. But because people are always changing, what might have worked just fine yesterday might not work at all today.:)

Also, as you grow closer to any person, she begins to let down her "fences," to part her interior "curtains," to permit you to see her "unprepped" and "unadorned self. She allows you to "see" her "psychically naked." Gradually, if we are not careful, such real and genuine, indispensable Love-values as courtesy and politeness can
disappear. This is no minor or ignorable problem, but a major tragedy and catastrophe!

It is due to the disappearance of common courtesy that some long-married couples speak rudely, crudely, and thoughtlessly to each other. They would not dream of speaking so bluntly, so tactlessly, to any stranger.

In time, many couples also completely lose the desire to be attractive to each other. They eat too much, never exercise, and end up less than attractive.

We can prevent these tragedies if we keep seriously in mind a simple but very important Love-priority called "courtesy." To speak courteously is to refrain from rude or insulting remarks, put-downs, or impolite comments or remarks. It is to give to the other, ideally, the courtesy that we would want for ourselves. It is also to be at least as courteous to our loved ones as we are to strangers. (Actually, we should love them more, and be more courteous.)

And this is not simply for couples. For close friends, as they grow closer, can also lose courtesy. Or perhaps some have never been properly trained in the arts of courtesy. If you do not know about courtesy, get a friend to try to teach you, or read a book. For otherwise, a huge aspect of Love will be missing in your everyday life.

If you have a strong libra in your chart, diplomatic and kind speech is easier; if you have sagittarius, it will be more of a challenge to "couch" a statement in "cushioning," non-hurtful language. But this is the "exam" of courtesy, and it is not negligible, avoidable, or ignorable.

But no matter what our sign-configurations, we all need to work, every day, on the cultivation of a courtesy that reflects friendliness; for friendliness is a major Lovexpression on earth.

If a true and loyal friend sees that courtesy is being challenged or threatened in a friendship, she might probably care enough even to mention this sad factor. If she does point it out, from Love and loyalty, it will be difficult for her, as she does not want to be rude. But if she mentions that you have been rude, do not take it personally and blame her. Instead, open your heart to the possibility that she is right: Perhaps your behaviors are not always as "perfect" as you think. (No one else is "perfect," and it is unlikely that you are.)

When the wise, understanding, spiritual person, who wants to increase Love, comes across a "bump in the road" in a friendship, she rushes immediately to repair it by loads of communication. She might email, phone, or both. She will work hard to communicate, to make her position clear but kind, not dogmatic or closed. By utter contrast, an unloving, immature, psychologically maladjusted person will always be secretly looking for "holes" or "immperfections" in a relationship-- an "excuse" to terminate it. Since she does not feel wise or competent enough to maintain a strong, lasting, loyal friendship, she will feel relieved when the entire matrix of Love-friendship crumbles and falls apart. This kind of person is in need of very serious help. Anyone who jumps prematurely or suddenly to end a friendship has never had her heart in it; she has been playing the role of a false friend or hypocrite. This is very sick, and false, friendship. This person was never really a true friend at all.

So, let's keep improving, working on,making stronger, and clarifying, our friendships. Let us show massive and major patience, and extra kindness. Most important, let us be eager to forgive the tiny human foibles that always exist in and around personality. For only loads of consistent forgiveness can ever make a human-human friendship work; intolerance or the paranoia that the least imperfection is a "betrayal" will abruptly shatter and ruin what might have been a beautiful friendship. Let us see only Love in the other, even in her imperfections.


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