Forgiveness

You are right: Everything begins with a heart unclouded by fear. When you do not forgive, you allow the "enemy," through fear, to control your thoughts and feelings. Why allow him/her to control your most intimate thoughts? You thus "reward" her/him for bad behavior. Why let an ignorant person control the deepest part of your mind?

Forgiveness is not done as a kindness to the one who hurt you, although it is also that. His/Her karma will take care of her/him. It is an act of healing forgiveness that you do for yourself. You do not forgive out of Love for the other, even though it has that longterm effect. You forgive out of SELFlove, to prevent the selfcreated hells of nonforgiveness. For if you do not forgive, the offender is not at all affected; it is YOU who suffer the restlessness, anxiety, depression, and other effects of nonforgiveness.

You can forgive, but you cannot will yourself to forget. So, don't even bother to go down that road. You can remember the situation with vivid clarity; but if you can look at it without its raising an emotive response, then you have forgiven.

This occurs incrementally. When the wound is fresh, your emotive response might be a full one hundred (on a one hundred scale) percent. But, two weeks later, you might react only 97%, and the week after, perhaps 93%. You want to move as close as possible to a zero emotional response. That is forgiveness, but does not include forgetting. Forgetting is another process, and it is quite beyond the range of your
conscious control. The very best that you can do is to let go. This will fill your life with increased joy and peace, and will release you from the agony of nonforgiveness.