Loving the Unloving

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People become very unreasonable, and even hostile, when they allow their often overly sensitive feelings to be hurt. They often take everything personally. They tell themselves that "everything, every word, is about me." They suffer from a hideous Narcissism or selfinvolvement. This is egocentricity turned inward upon itself, and it makes them sick. If you have apologized-- and you have done this even in writing, via email-- there is nothing else that Love calls upon you to do; you have done the honorable thing.

Some people are simply so terribly insecure, suffering from nightmarishly low selfesteem, that they will not allow family or friends to be imperfect. But we are all imperfect human beings. We must all recognize this fact, and get on with our lives!:) It creates only hideous hell if we do not allow, and forgive, human imperfections.

But you dare not make an error in the presence of someone who has terribly low selfesteem, for she will take any error personally; and she will often go much further: She will distort and twist anything that you say into some kind of "personal attack." This is very sad, as it reveals the depth of her mental or emotional illness.

Anyone who responds this way to harmless or neutral statements is suffering from a deep and serious mental illness called "paranoia." You cannot cure her, or, at times, even reach her. For they close themselves off in an interior "hell" of their own making. They just will not allow anyone "into their heads." So, they must suffer in isolation.

Fortunately, this suffering will trigger growth and education, although those fine functions might not occur for years, or even in this life. In the meantime, we must simply put up with these people, who can be filled, and spoiled, with hatred and negativity.

So, let us, as the people of Love, live in fullest determination to exercise patience, kindness, and Love towards these sick people. For only Love can ever heal them.
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Friendship and Selfesteem

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What are the connections between friendship and selfesteem? They are many and important. It requires a certain minimum or modicum of selfesteem to maintain a lasting friendship. Even to form a healthy friendship requires at least some healthy selfesteem.

For if you believe, "I really do not deserve a friendship with this fine person, for I am unworthy," then, you begin a subconscious search for an "escape" from the friendship. You might, in borderline paranoia, examine emails for "hidden motives," or even for "attacks," where clearly, none is intended. You might, in an extension of illness, confuse mistakes with deliberate attacks against you.

Secretly, you might want to "attack before you are attacked." You are really seeking an "escape hatch" to permit you to exit the friendship before your "inadequacies" are discovered or revealed.

An astonishing number of even very "successful" people suffer from this absence of positive selfesteem. They often try to hide, or cover, it with professional success, but, deep down, the fires of selfloathing cannot be quenched. They sometimes try to remain "super-busy," so that they do not see this uncomfortable fact about themselves, but, again, deep down, they know the facts about their own selfrejection and selfcondemnation.

They are not "evil." They are not "inadequate" or "unworthy," but their internal programs that they are continue to run like a taped program that plays itself over and over again. They simply cannot "get comfortable" in a healthy relationship with a healthy person. In fact, they resent the mental, emotional, or spiritual health of those who are successful at interpersonal relationships (friendships). In time, subconsciously, they become "anti-friendship." They start to see friendship, a form of Love-- the human being's best friend-- as the "enemy." They begin to hate friendship (Love) because they are too dysfunctional to handle it.

Bonding in friendship with a selfloathing person is almost imppossible; and she herself guarantees that any bonds will never last very long. For she sabotages the friendship by continually expecting to be betrayed or abandoned. So, low selfesteem is made much worse by a terror of abandonment. (This often originates within the "interior child," the part of the mind that stopped growing at about age six.)

A person with healthy selfesteem will quickly forgive if her friend makes a mistake. But a person who is selfloathing will demand "perfection" from friends: No mistakes are allowed. (This is part of her pathology or illness.)

Human beings, because we are human beings, always make mistakes. The healthy person will not make a big deal about any mistake that her friends might make. She will not act in an alarmist fashion, as if a mistake means "the forever end of our friendship," or as if a mistake justifies an attitude of "war" with the former friend. The healthy person will kindly, warmly, and sincerely forgive any mistakes, and then, continue on with the friendship. For the mentally healthy, friendship is more important than mistakes; but for the mentally or emotionally ill, mistakes are more important, and powerful, than friendships. People of terrible selfesteem will hang on for dear life to any mistake, and will blow it up to immense proportions, never letting it "slide," and never forgetting, or forgiving.

For forgiveness is the response of a healthy mind; an unhealthy mind might well be too sick to practice forgiveness. Any mistake, in the unwell, unhealthy mind is the "end of the friendship," if not "of the world"! For inflating a mistake, and making it the center of the interaction with another, is a mark of mental illness.
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The "Indigo" Children

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Each and every generation wants to believe that it is "special," especially in a cosmic sense. This is an action of "overcompensation." People need and create this when feeling low selfesteem. And, of course, parents are often desperate that their children be "special" in some positive, life-affirming way.

This is where the myth of "indigo children" originates. Parents as well as kids want, and perhaps need, to believe in it; both are strongly if unconsciously motivated to be "true believers."

The idea is that the coming generation of kids-- those born in the previous few years, and during the years to come, are "highly advanced and spiritual" Souls. It is an idea that brings joy! It can be breath-taking!:):)

But is there any objective evidence that kids born during the last few years are "born more spiritual or advanced" than Souls that have preceded them to earth? No, there is no evidence.

The belief is not logical, or logically demonstrated. It is an emotional, sometimes religious, idea. As was true of every generation in the entire history of the world, some kids come here "already spiritual" due to good karma, and most, as always and usual, have come here for spiritual growth.

The idea of "indigo" children also posits the untenable position that these "special" kids do not need as much teaching, discipline, and structure, which takes an unwelcome load off the backs of parents. In the modern generation (those born during the past few years), there is zero solid evidence that kids are smarter, stronger, quicker, wiser, or "more spiritual" than are older people. Every generation, including this one, contains very "special" people; indeed, all human beings are "special." But the myth of indigo children is only an attempt to be "extraordinary," and this idea is usually embraced by people who are feeling low selfesteem. All that the idea usually does, in so many lives, is boost the ego-- which, in itself, is antispiritual.

Love does not discriminate. It treats every generation alike, with an even hand.
So, let's awaken to the realization that some kids are "born" with the wide spectrum of karmic influences that affect us all. Some were stupid or criminal in past lives, others tender, wise, and even brilliant!:) But let us show care not to slide down the slippery slope to superiorism.

For those who practice arrogance prove their lack of real spirituality, which supports, not "being above the crowd," but humility. Jesus, in his notorious association with "sinners," ordinary people, was a good lesson for all of us.:)
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